Monday, May 20, 2013

Children and Target

  Well sad news at Target, the clearance sucked!!! Wow they must be in between seasons in store because all the back walls were bare.

 There are still tons of clothes clearance racks which I did go thru but nothing I could not live with out. I did get a real cute lamp shade that was a cool hippy color which I really wanted on sale for 13.98 down from 24.99 not a bad deal. But alas they only had two, I found some make downs in make up but again nothing special. I hope to go again later this week to see if they marked any thing else down.

 I want to write about children. When you become a parent don't expect your children to thank you for things, yeah they will for simply things like " thanks for the ride mom " or " thanks for the cookies" but you cant expect your kids to thank you or even understand the other things we do for them. When I had kids I understood this, they don't get it and as teens they really don't get it.

 You cant lay that kind of stuff on kids, you cant throw up in their face all the things you did for them some of which broke your heart. Letting your child fail, fall or stand alone is NOT easy but sometimes is the best thing for them. A parent can not bail their kids out everytime they get in trouble or do something wrong because then they grow up to expect it, but does that make it easier on a parent ?? Hell no. We can not praise our kids for every little thing they do ( no matter if we want too ) because some day they will grow up and their boss is not going to thank them or praise them for every little thing they do , after all your boss is paying you to do it. But still it would be nice if kids did understand what we go through. I'm not sure where I'm going with this or why I'm even thinking about it. But I know that as a parent there was nothing harder or more heartbreaking then to watch your child fail or hurt and be able to do nothing about it. Heart break happens but your child doesn't understand.

 We hold their heads when they puke, we punish when they get bad grades, we think of their needs above our own. no matter how much that hurts. My youngest ( now 18 ) had an emotional break down in 9th grade, I watch as she fell in to a deeper and deeper depression, I watch as she turned her back on friends and finaly I watched as she started cutting herself to relive her internal pain. I did what I could found her a doctor took her there but you cant make them talk, you cant make someone do something they don't want to do. So I watch and I cried and I ranted and I lashed out to others because I had no idea what to do. There are times as a parent where you are just powerless to do anything to stand by and watch and then just hang your head knowing that all you can do is be there and hope and pray that something works.

 Lucky for us that the doctor got through to her and she is fine now, but at the time I was lost. Rob was deployed and it was just me, just me sitting here wondering what I did wrong, how I could have stopped it how I could have fixed it and the whole time not being about to tell Rob everything because his distraction could have been his death. Iraq is a dangerous place and he needed his focus there not on all the bad things here. Later, when he was home I told him everything, no he wasn't angry I kept it from him he was sad that he wasn't here to help. I don't blame him its his job but that doesn't stop him from blaming himself.
 And that's what it really comes down to, when you have kids you blame yourself, for everything. Now that's she's grown you would think its easier but its not its almost worse, because now you cant ground them or take a way their phone now all you can do is worry, worry and then worry some more and hope to God that all the things you nagged and warned them about has stayed in their head. But guess what? even if it didn't I will be there to hold her head, or her hand or even her purse ( if shes puking her brains out from a hang over ) because that's what I do, no I cant stop her from doing things and I cant stop her from failing and falling and making bad choice, but I can let her know that no matter what she does I'm there, anytime, anywhere and no matter what.

 Because that's my job and no matter the heartbreak that goes with it I chose it and I would do it all again.

 Wow, I'm on a roll here. How depressing am I ?

 and on that note... bye bye

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